This has become a sort of weird, running journal about How I Feel, which is not what I intended. I’ve done these exercises before, and they’ve prompted some deep personal discoveries, introspection, and inspiration (at least on my part!) This time around, it’s more like, Dear Diary, Today was really hard. I cried. Plus I don’t feel good, and that’s got me down.
Whatever; it is what it is. Who knew what these 30 days would hold? I didn’t.
So that’s it, then; I still don’t feel good, but I went to work. While at work, I discovered that I am, indeed, sick with something.
I went to meetings, helped my mom deal with a minor emergency, met up with my first-born son, did some more work, taught two piano lessons, and came home. Navigated personal stuff- services for my aunt, travel plans, etc.
It was a standard day.
But it ended with joy and delight swooping down from heaven, surrounding me in the kitchen. My three kids who live locally all came over for dinner; the eldest even cooked the meal, and if you know who she is, you know that means we ate well. Amazing fresh sauce and pasta, love-tinged conversation, and FaceTime with the rest of the kids (and my granddaughter, and oh how I love adding that phrase!) They’ve decided to draw names and have a Sibling Secret Santa this year, so this evening was the time for that. I created an alias for each kid (Rudolf, Buddy the Elf, The Grinch, etc.) and everybody drew. They got their assignments and it’s a big secret and we are barreling towards the holidays, which will look dramatically different than years past, but still beautiful.
The last one just walked out the door, and my heart has been stretched full again with a reminder of who matters most to me in this world. Even as I grieve the loss of extended family, anticipating our shared mourning in the next few days, I rejoice in what I have, for the time I have it. One day, this, too, shall pass; until then, I am grateful for what bits and pieces of joy percolate when my loved ones gather.